Thursday, November 18, 2010

Why Not?


Why am I doing this?
Why does it matter?
Why should I spend my time and effort and resources to make art?
Why do I care about how it turns out?
Why do my efforts suck?
Why do I ask why?

What am I trying to prove?

The only answer I can come up with is because I’m a sucker for punishment and an eternal optimist.  I never thought I would ever do anything special with my desire to create but I have found a small way to express myself.  I’m not where I want to be yet but I think it’s worth it.  Because something is telling me this is the way to go.

Not what I wanted it to be.
Not getting any better.
Not making the progress I wanted.

Not useless.
Not a waste of time.
Not impossible.
Just enough for me right now.

Giving myself permission to suck is a new unusual feeling.  It’s a lot like saying I don’t have to try but at the same time saying that it’s okay if I try and things don’t turn out right.  It’s about daring and sometimes falling flat on my face but other times it might be about trying and learning how to fly.

‘Why’ and ‘not’ are two words that on their own can be reason enough not to start.  About having no good reason to put myself out there...and no good reason to fight against my fears and make a dent in the world.  Together, they are about creative audacity; courage and listening to that inner voice that says to me, “You can do it!”
So I could listen to the dissenting voice that tells me I can’t or shouldn’t but I won’t.  I will create.  And if anyone should ever ask me why I’ll have to tell them ‘Why not!”

No comments:

Post a Comment