NaNoWriMo 2010 and I’m participating one more time. The creative challenge is always really wonderful and I have used it for years to write out some of the stories I have held in my heart. I like pitching myself against what are poor odds and coming out on top. I do this by choice although it might be hard to figure that part out from what I say about the entire writing process.
It doesn’t matter when it happens. At some point during NaNoWriMo, I feel like I have made a mistake and I should be using my time to do something easier. But creativity isn’t easy. Putting the words on the page is a skill anyone who knows how to write can do. But the art of digging deep and finding within yourself something you want to say – that you ultimately want other people to see is a lot harder to accomplish.
This process requires a strong constitution and every once in a while it will slip. Something you thought you had figured out will fall through while something else you didn’t want to even think about will rear its ugly head. Creativity evolves in the process of creating it and yet everything you create is still exactly what it’s supposed to be. It doesn’t go according to plan during NaNoWriMo and that’s fine because that is also what makes it so exciting.
So I might rant and rave about hating my novel because it isn’t doing what I want it to do but that just means the creative process is truly using me as the conduit and while I might not be in full control of the process I am letting go of my controlling self to allow what will happen to happen. I might occasionally say my characters are doing things I would prefer them not to do but I like to think they are coming into their own and are no longer a construct of my predominant archetypes.
And that is what creativity really is. When we look deeply in ourselves, we see the truth of what is there and from that truth we create. But the product that comes out isn’t just a creation of our lives but also a creation of the universe. It imbues it’s spirit into every line we write seeking to express itself fully through us – and isn’t that right too? We are all part of the same universe and we are all standing on the edge of something new where we are charged with creating our own stepping stones before we embark on another step into the very well known unknown.
I take pride in what I am able to do every November. It might be literary madness but I think it is also literary genius, literary talent, creative courage and utter and complete audacity. That there are times I get frightened by how big the dream is or how much I feel like myself when I am caught up in the process of creating is enough to make me want to run in the opposite direction but I haven’t turned away from this in 5 years, I will not do it now.
I will write. I will probably complain about the process and that’s alright. When I win, because I know I will...I’ll be terribly glad my story didn’t go exactly how I wanted to or that my characters are bolder, broader and more wonderful than I could have imagined them inside my head. So let me get back to my writing.
Current word count: 9,806
Mood: :-) Because I know I can do it.
Currently listening to...Eagle Eye Cherry.